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Friday, July 5th, 2002
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9:03 am - How annoying
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It seems to have lost my post.
I'm now the proud owner of a paid account. Please switch to reading ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) outlawcoon for your reading pleasure! I plan to reorganize my friends list as people readd me. :)
Now. Shower.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: none
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 28th, 2002
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8:03 pm - Another Mixed Day
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My house is clean. (Thanks to the rest of Team Darkling's help--they rock!)
Friends are coming over.
Email has been answered.
Two very good scenes happened online.
My husband bought groceries.
If I could have ever gotten rid of this headache (which killed my work productivity by a few hours worth) it would have been a wonderful day.
Time for escape. Maybe all I need is a change of scene. And oregano pasta!
current mood:  distressed
current music: Vacuum cleaners must die
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 27th, 2002
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3:15 pm - Some Good, Some Bad
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Tastes of Childhood
Finally decided last night to wait until after Scott's wedding to go back on the diet, so this is my Summer Week, to enjoy ice cream and the like. I wonder if anyone coming to my house this weekend has a homemade ice cream maker. Oooooh.
After walking around for a few hours for a site visit, I was very hot, so I got an ice cream sandwich. It reminded me of when I was in junior high and at the beach with my parents. We went every year. Just about a quarter mile down the road from our cabin was a gas station/tourist trap that sold ice cream sandwiches. I can't eat one anymore without remembering the taste of salt and feeling sand between my sandaled toes.
I also ate lunch at Schlotsky's, a place I worked when I was in high school. Nostalgia was high today.
Electronic Black Hole
Sometimes I can't get around to answering email, at least not quickly, especially when work's eaten my brain. Why does it bother me so much when other people don't? I guess it's the whole obsession with rejection. I reached out to several people that I wasn't able to see recently because of work. One responded. The other two, no response. I should shrug and go on. I'm sure they have.
Easy to say, harder to forget.
current mood:  indescribable
current music: Air Conditioning--gotta love it after a day out
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 25th, 2002
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11:22 am - Slowly Regaining The Brain
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The hell files (all 8.5 meg of them) are done and with the graphics person. I'll have to spend an hour or two checking final graphics with her, but I'm done with them for now.
I wonder if some small part of why I do this to myself is the rush I get when a hell project is over. It's like all is right with the world, for all my weariness and disappointment with missing things (not one, but TWO D&D games) and body aches and twinges.
Just don't look at the mountain of laundry. At least until the feeling fades.
current mood: accomplished
current music: "If You Leave Me Now" -- Chicago
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 23rd, 2002
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6:04 pm - Tedium just does not do the task justice
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Caught up on sleep, good. Celebrated anniversary, good. Missed D&D, bad. Ah well.
Now I'm working on stuff for work. And the term "mind-numbing tedium" just isn't enough to describe what I'm doing.
Back to manipulating scads of Excel files.
current mood:  bored
current music: "The Touch" -- Stan Bush
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 13th, 2002
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3:13 pm - In Honor of the Casino Crew...
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Yes sir, the chec...er, PE application is in the mail.
JB
current mood:  hopeful
current music: gurgling of a full tummy after a nice lunch
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(comment on this)
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11:28 am - Trying. Promise.
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Good things.
- I have all the parts of the PE application
- Jorge took me to pick up the UPS package before they mailed it back
- It's our anniversary
Don't focus on the annoying things. Don't. Don't.
I'm trying.
current mood:  bitchy
current music: "Fields of Gold" -- Sting
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(17 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 11th, 2002
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3:10 pm - My internal watch is wonked...
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Last night, gaming ended very late. It didn't remotely feel that late, even though I'd been half-asleep all day.
This morning we overslept. Rather than make my husband (who needed to drive me in) super-late to work (and since I did have a headache) I called in sick this morning and brought dinner to work so I won't leave until bedtime.
Inconsiderate people called all morning. I gave up on more sleep around 10:30.
I walked briskly in chain mail before eating anything. That confused my body a lot.
Things that got accomplished:
- Exercise
- Answered email
- Leveled my Treyvan character who's about to go on vacation
- Washed, dried and remade sheets on bed
- Ordered stuff on Amazon, including two books recommended by Trace and a CD with a song used in a response to Lindsay's survey, using the gift certificates that were presents from Wayne and Kyle (This was just the LJ order from hell. It even included strategy guides for my husband for games he's been addicted to by Tanner.)
I'm now in at work, until bedtime. I feel mostly awake, though, so I have high hopes for productivity.
Still. Weird, weird day for timing.
current mood:  refreshed
current music: "Hunter" -- Dido
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 10th, 2002
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2:35 pm - There's Taffy in the Cylinders
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Not sure if it's because of the late night or aftereffects of the headache, but I am super-out of it today. I noticed one odd symptom with the headache yesterday--my coordination went to hell. Like I'd try to screw on a cap and fail. At least that's better enough that I'm no longer scared to drive. Driving went...poorly...yesterday. We visited much of the neighborhood.
On a good note, I did get off my ass and start my headache diary, finally. Yay, me.
CI mail beginning. At least it gives a couple of days to try to straighten out issues.
Mildly worried about some friends of mine, one of whom's in the hospital. My brain is still not functioning well enough for me to want to comment or talk about anything serious and personal, though. Sad. :(
Maybe food will help.
current mood:  groggy
current music: "If You Leave Me Now" -- Chicago
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2:38 am - It's too tired and I'm too late...wait...
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Weekend very full and productive, but I can't go through it all now. My eyes are crossing in fatigue.
Short list: did yardwork, finished cleaning house, had party, finished a little cleaning post-party, got 2 out of 5 PE letters of recommendation, talked to parents, tabulated KG team belongings, did WLS and SI event surveys (finally) and did all the CI updates I could until I get more email.
Unfortunately, my singing group went on hiatus today. Realistically a good thing to cut out a commitment until the PE is over, but I did enjoy it when it happened. I felt guilty that it got put on break, even if no one yelled at me.
Woke up with a horrible headache this morning, but it's much better now. Must get off my ass tomorrow and get my headache diary prepped.
Want to comment to several LJ entries but am too tired to be coherent.
Tud
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Little Light of Love -- 5E (for the 100th time tonight)
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 6th, 2002
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11:55 pm - What the hell does 25 or 6 to 4 MEAN anyway?
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Good concert. Made sure it wouldn't rain by stopping to buy umbrella.
First concert with husband. Happy. :)
current mood:  bouncy
current music: None--just got home
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5:51 pm - I won't sell our love, just our desserts
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God, what a day.
Think positive:
- Last night's Garou scene was fun and intense, even if I'd been whiny about getting online
- I got backrubs and other pampering while being whiny
- My husband cooked dinner
- I did get some sleep
- Had really good lunch with Jorge
- PE endorser letters all out in people's hands
- It's not raining by me yet
Trying.
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Chicago
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 5th, 2002
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5:27 pm - And it's dangerous to have a racecar in the red. I could blow.
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I started to spaz out at lunch. Though I feel really accomplished for what I've finished since my last post, I still have a very scary mountain of things to complete.
As I commented to someone having an even worse day, though--I feel good when I look back. This morning I was late to work, but I managed to do a handful of house chores that made me feel good about what I left--not done, but more habitable. I'm stressing about the PE application, but I've done everything I can to get it going and I've made most of the arrangements to get it finished. And I even finally got a call back from an engineer that I've needed to talk to for a week.
Just don't look more than a few steps ahead--and keep going.
current mood:  anxious
current music: some random song I don't recognize at all
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 31st, 2002
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12:19 pm - A Moment To Lighten Your Day
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I didn't find this. Christie did. But I had to share.
The Tackiest Proposal Ever
What is this saying? Marry me and do my laundry? Marry me because you have money and I'm too cheap to buy a dryer? Marry me so we can expose our underwear to the neighborhood?
And not even SEXY underwear for the guy! Maybe it's saying 'After you marry me, I'll sit around in my tighty-whities while you try to entice me with cute girl underwear.'
Bwahaha!
current mood:  amused
current music: none-mostly working hard, honest!
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 30th, 2002
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5:08 pm - Better Late Than Never
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So, there I was.
No no. Really.
I had to drive home at lunchtime because, even though my husband and I were great this morning and remembered everything else (to the detriment of the meeting he almost missed--ack!) we forgot the concert tickets.
Now some parts of going home at lunch were very good!
To Do
Deyuck boots (we'll see if baking soda and antifungals do the trick)
Get gas before I get stranded on Bankhead Highway
Get food before we resort to eating the cats
Woo hoo!
Okay, so I have time I need to make up for work. But it was great.
Then I get email:
Hello, this is Ticketmaster Customer Service with an important alert for your upcoming event. The Cranberries, scheduled at Chastain Park on Thursday May 30, 2002, at 7:30 PM has been postponed. The event will now take place on Wednesday June 12, 2002 at 8:00 PM. Original tickets will be honored for the new date, or you may obtain a refund by mailing your tickets to:
Well, puckernuts.
Glad they sent me the mail before I'd actually left work, even if I took a long lunch for nothing. Still, I got much done that had nothing to do with the tickets. And now I can work on pre-reg not the night before!
Thinking positive, yes.
current mood: accomplished
current music: "Rocket Man" -- Elton John
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12:55 am - What's smaller than pebbles? Sand?
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Pay bills
SI Registration--one book down, one and email to go.
Elan added to pack. Tummy full of good steak. Had happy company. Tud.
current mood: tired
current music: Spyro--I've started a new husband addiction
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 29th, 2002
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10:27 am - One Pebble At A Time
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Finish proofing Mathis Ferry report--done.
Work on Mathis Ferry graphics fine-tuning--working.
Finish character history--done.
Get thrown weapons--done.
Other things had some work, but as in the way of things we backslide as much as we went forward. My sink was briefly empty, before dinner dishes from us and the impromptu weapon-making party filled it. Ah well. :)
Add: go to grocery. Food situation very sad.
Working!
current mood:  productive
current music: radio commercials
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 28th, 2002
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10:03 am - Quailing at the Mountain
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I know I got stuff done this weekend. I know I did. But I'm so far behind I'm disheartened.
We didn't manage to make it out for anything at Christi&Dave's at all. Sunday, once we woke up and waited for the absolute hottest part of the day to pass, we ended up working until dark. Then we creaked into a shower, John fed us, and we vegged horribly until a relatively early bedtime. Monday we /had/ to finish the mulch. We finished what we had, though I was nearly as distressed at determining for certain that FIVE CUBIC YARDS wasn't enough as not getting done with what we had. I fretted muchly about my undone To Do list, we debated not going to gaming, but finally commitments won out over stress. Of course, we ended up sitting in traffic for EVER, but we finally got there. I think it was somewhat important we were there, in the end--Jorge got to half-complete a quest and I got to complete mine. And I got to see Patrick's newly fuzzed head and do just a smidge of Wildlands goobing. And had decent Chinese delivery at their apartment for a change. Those things were good. Afterwards I came home and fell asleep almost immediately. I was even too tired to mess with tea by the time the kettle whistled. Now that's sad.
Initial stab at To Do List:
Work For Today
Finish proofing Mathis Ferry report.
Work on Mathis Ferry graphics fine-tuning.
Call Brad about comments on Seaside Target report.
Meet at 4 about Columbus study.
Home For Week
Finish deyucking boots.
Finish pre-reg.
Finish character history.
Finish application for PE.
Pay bills.
Get thrown weapons.
Feed outside plants, including garden.
Finish mending.
Laundry.
Unandre again.
Wipe down kitchen.
Wipe down bathrooms.
Toilets/tubs/showers.
Strip guest bedroom/bath (if can be done before Friday)
Laundry (and lots of it)
Mop
Vacuum (at least a quick one)
Finish mulching after new Friday delivery
Mow/edge (and bag grass)
Can I shoot myself now? This doesn't even count some of my longer-term projects that seem constantly on hold.
Whimper.
Thank God I have a helper in all this. Also on the positive side, I feel better than I have in a few weeks. I ODed on sleep other than Saturday, when I had to drag myself out of bed for Wildlands. Yay, sleep!
current mood:  sore
current music: "Taking You Home" - Don Henley
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 23rd, 2002
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12:56 pm - And for something completely different...
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Anyone have a good low-carb recipe that uses lots of oregano? My oregano is threatening to encroach on my chives, so I want to use some, and I usually use it with pastas and soups.
The garden does well, mostly. The basil merely holds its ground, rather than growing much, and the thyme has had it rough. Jorge says it just proves I can't manage tim...er, thyme.
current mood:  hungry
current music: none
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(16 comments | comment on this)
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10:30 am - Slightly Longer Post
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I didn't mean to worry folks, so let me expound. Even if expounding makes me seem stupid and shallow.
I've been in high stress mode, even for me, for the last months. It's made regular exercise difficult, sleep occasionally scarce, and has generally made things unfun. Unfortunately, it also means my margin of coping is low on certain days. That's what happened yesterday.
I worked all day, or tried to, but I didn't get done with what I needed to do. I had billing stress for my big project, to try to make sure it stays under budget. My character on Treyvan is under threat of arrest--and where that's not bothering me much, it's likely adding to overall stress. I got home and my roleplay group wasn't ready to go. I went to jog, then when I got back, one'd logged out and one'd logged in. It ended up not happening. My husband had a commitment he was having to pay attention to, so where he tried to pet me, he couldn't really concentrate on me. While preparing to jog, I opened some things from my parents. They made me smile. Mostly. One thing didn't.
While they were here, Mom took some pictures. Most were okay, but two--I just stared. I know she didn't mean to hurt me, but I stared. Is that what I look like? Is that how people see me? It was like I was a fat cylinder from the ends of my breasts to my knees. I looked at those pictures and hated myself.
Just the day before, I'd gotten a lot of compliments in the office about how thin I look. I've been working, off and on--mostly on--a diet for years. I try to exercise. I hate being fat. I hate it. And people were lying to me to tell me I wasn't.
Then, in making dinner like he promised to, he spilled the last of the eggs, which was the only thing that had appealed to me on the diet that I was then frustrated that was doing me no good.
I lost it.
That's all.
I feel somewhat better today. And at least anger was better than another fit of despondency. And it sounds stupid to explain it all, but I worried too many people to not to, I guess.
current mood:  blank
current music: none
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